a day of mourning

today is really a sad day. i had to bring my sister to her friends mom's funeral. it was really sad. and worst of all. she is deaf. it's hard to see someone you love alot just goes off just like that. without even saying goodbye. And she cant even hear at all. T _ T 

u know, i started to understand why people tend to get married early. They know that their parents arent gonna live there for long and the fact sometimes we try to just ignored it and move along with our own life. sometimes we tend to make the same mistakes over again, we try to find the perfect person in our life and in the end still fail, or u just want to stay and be yourself forever. it all makes clear sense now. Whenever i see my sister's friend crying over her mom, i felt that she wanted her mom to see her get married. she wanted to see her live the life of being deaf and show that she can determine herself that even though she is deaf, she is just like any other normal person. 

it all makes sense why my friend was telling me " the time bomb has been set " . my dad is not getting better. i have to admit that. taking care of him is something every son should do when your dad is sick. most of the time, i take my dad to the dialysis centre in the morning. And i did spend time with my dad most of it. But still, i want my dad to see me be a successful person and getting married and etc.... =) 

Friday met up my friends in alexsis in midvalley. joking and laughing and etc..... but i am gonna say it and damn it i am going to. my friend literally took my hp and started replying to people by sms. i got kinda pissed off that he did that to me thinking that someone might even thought i am an ass in replying those sms with compulsive words and a kind of desperation. It really did. the night was not nice. i was 5 min late to work and couldnt think of anything. People started calling me in telling me, Raymond !!!!!! how coould u say that in the sms ? i was totally fucked. Thanx to my friend writing all the bullshit and nonsense and sending it. 

oh i really wish i could just go back to thursday. well, i aint gonna tell it here. Thats for sure. 

kinda remember when i read sean penn's autobiography. he quoted : 

Love is a mess, at best, and i figure it can be very real in spite of all the things people try to attach to it. - Sean Penn 

end.....